Life in the Discomfort Zone

“You would be surprised how much people will respect you when you cease caring about whether or not they do.”

Starting my sophomore year of college, I would put 5 goals on the whiteboard calendar in my room. Four would be quantifiable items such as: get a 4.0 GPA, read 15 books, invest a certain amount of money and exercise every day. The last goal – which has helped me accomplish things I never thought possible – was to do one thing that scared me. I was not trying to be reckless or physically endanger myself, but rather to seek complex physical, emotional and professional challenges that made me uncomfortable and would therefore provide an opportunity for personal growth. It seemed a rather vague and ambiguous goal. I wanted to form a metric that would help me remain accountable to doing something that scared me. I decided that the first time an opportunity arose that caused a rush of nervous emotion, that would be the call to action. I would volunteer or sign up for that task immediately. From then on, I would willingly embrace challenges that terrified me until I became numb to fear. I am not advocating that you do something that will endanger you. Just something that will provide a healthy challenge and help you realize that most of our fears are unfounded.

This personal philosophy of taking on opportunities that scare you has led to some of my most proud accomplishments:

• Training for and completing triathlons.

• Learning two foreign languages.

• Public speaking to a room of 200 people.

• Graduating Summa Cum Laude from college with two degrees after having a 3.0 GPA in high school

• Getting a job at a fast-paced, competitive technology company.

• Reading 50 books in one year.

I would like to share my thoughts on adopting this as a personal philosophy:

Our fear of failing is illogical.

What holds us back from undergoing audacious goals is a, “fear of failure”. What is failure, exactly? In my opinion, we are not afraid of trying something and not being good at it; we are afraid of trying something and not being good at it publicly. We are afraid of how we will be perceived if we fail. It is totally natural for people to have these concerns; and that’s the important concept: everybody feels this way. You gain dominion over this fear when you notice people respect you - rather than laugh at you - for seeking complex challenges. You would be surprised how much people will respect you when you cease caring about whether or not they do. The fear of being perceived as failure will – at best- only lead to mediocre outcomes and accomplishments. However, when we constantly put ourselves in situations where our identity is on the line, we become numb to the fear of how people perceive us. We have freed ourselves from the shackles of societal expectation. This type of confidence only manifests when you think you are confident. In other words, it’s an unwavering belief before it’s a concrete action or personality trait. By ruling over your fear of failure in a world that lets fear dictate it’s decisions, your courage makes you a daring outlier in pursuit of constant fulfillment.

This taking on of new challenges becomes a habit

My initial goal was to do one thing per semester that scared me; however, that feeling of accomplishing goals far out of your comfort zone becomes a habit. As you begin to change your mindset, you will start to look for these challenges as they arise in your daily life. You will initially accept them with reluctance, shaking limbs and trembling voice. Eventually - as with brushing your teeth or tying your shoes – your willingness to attempt new things becomes an engrained habit. The profundity of that initial fear decreases in strength as your self-reliance increases. Soon enough, you will find that there are more complex challenges and opportunities that present themselves to you. This is very much where the law of attraction comes into play: your commitment to constant growth will place you in a rare group of people. Your reputation will provide exposure to those who are also constantly challenging and changing their lives. What at first was a simple task now is a personality trait and part of your identity. In accomplishing these things, you will realize you are infinitely more capable than your parents, friends and even you ever knew.

There is a fear of success.

When I first tried thinking about this concept, it seemed nonsensical. Why would anyone be afraid of success? Is not success a uniquely defined end that each individual is striving towards? After considering the topic in more depth, I realized that in some way success can be a scary concept for myriad reasons. There seems to be a societal belief that there is something inherently unique about great people. With that comes an imperceptible feeling that daring to be great subverts the preconceived notion of who can be great and who cannot. We do not want to be viewed as a heretic so unique that we isolate ourselves. Additionally, the fear that being great requires an uncommon degree of consistency. You might start over-analyzing the task and asking yourself questions such as, “What if I actually accomplish this goal that terrifies me? Will it be luck? Can I do it more than once?”. Do not let the low hanging heavy black clouds of self-doubt cloud the fact that we are all inherently capable of accomplishing great things. To live the life you have always imagined is a matter of cultivating habits that are within your power: courage and confidence.

Some Ideas for doing things that scare you:

1. Learn a new skill: computer programming, a foreign language, a musical instrument, painting, dancing. Find a community of people and study the craft.

2. Complete a physical challenge: triathlons, marathons, cycling, recreational tournaments, martial arts, CrossFit. This gives you a reason to be active daily and will boost your self-esteem.

3. Practice public speaking as much as possible. Join a Toastmasters club, give presentations at work/school and give speeches at weddings. This is big challenge for a lot of people and if you can conquer this one, you will totally dominate the fear of public perception.

So, the next time an opportunity presents itself that requires a level self-confidence you believe out of your capabilities: count backwards from three, rise up and do the damn thing.

My Challenge to You:

What is something you have always dreamed of accomplishing but have not done yet? Reach out to a person who has accomplished that thing and ask them how they did it. Some questions:

What are your daily habits for achieving your goals?

What books or online resources do you use to gain knowledge?

Who is your role model? What did they teach you that completely changed your behavior?