Walking down the road toward the Washington State fairgrounds, two friends and I encountered someone handing out religious pamphlets. One of my friends commented that this certain religious sect was a, “cult”. The third friend asked us in his typical Socratic manner:
“What exactly is a cult?”
Knowing any potential response futile in the face of the preconceived definition we were about to hear; we awaited the response:
“A cult is any group that you do not identify with.”
***
It is easier to tacitly accept conformity and actively condemn individuality. This observation is not new. Many great philosophers, entrepreneurs, and artists have long understood – and been motivated by – this concept. If this information is not new, why do we need to be constantly reminded to not care what people think of us? As human beings one of our greatest emotional needs is to be accepted. We fear being isolated from our peers. The want to stand out is uncommon while the need for acceptance is universal. This worry about being accepted influences our greatest life decisions. What should we study? What should we do for work? Who should we associate with? The unexamined acceptance of social conformity prevents us from pursuing what we individually perceive to be of value. What’s worse is that this conformity is expected, with anyone who deviates from this norm being labeled as, “weird”. In these situations, individual identity is completely stripped of its value. If this issue is to go on unaddressed, it will continue to dissuade us from pursuing a unique identity and challenging existing standards. Without the confidence to make changes, both individuals and society cannot reach their full potential.
One of my favorite authors, Fyodor Dostoevsky, wrote a book called, “The Idiot”. The protagonist of the book, Prince Myshkin , is a figure who represents Jesus Christ. He is unconditionally kind, meek, and loving. His virtues and character are distinctly more ethical than the wealthy class of people he associates with. The protagonist of Dostoevsky’s story – while compassionate and emotionally intelligent – is regarded by the other characters as an idiot.While the other characters are manipulative, power-hungry and consumed by passion, Prince Myshkin ’s unconditional love persists through others taking advantage of his kind nature. The characters mistakenly assume his genuine honesty to be a lack of intelligence. They begin to assume his intentions are hiding ulterior motives; they can hardly believe anyone would be good for the sake of goodness alone. Regardless of religious affiliation, let’s just say that someone like Jesus Christ represents the idea of a morally perfect intelligent leader. The existence of such a person hardly sounds counterproductive to progress. On the surface, we believe we would celebrate and revere such a person. After all, they are just trying to enact what they believe is good for both themselves and for society. But is it possible that we would actually hold such a person in contempt?
What do Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi and Jesus Christ have in common?
They were killed.
These historical figures that today we worship, idolize and seek to emulate were once looked upon by some groups as menaces to society. The people who have had a tremendous impact on society are those we might ridicule if they were alive today. Only in their absence do we unanimously celebrate their unique personality, moral conduct and vision. While this seems illogical, I sometimes wonder if society has really changed or if we still have the culturally embedded beliefs that ostracized and in some cases killed people of this caliber. It is my belief that our natural aversion to change is underlying our fear of individuality. Our fear of change is what allows us to remain discontented with our life’s circumstances while paradoxically doing nothing to change them. If anything, we work really hard just to ensure that they remain exactly the same. But if we want to push for progress, we will simply have to accept discomfort. I believe each of us has the opportunity to change our perspective on individuality in two distinct ways.
The first is that we should encourage individuality in our small seemingly unimportant daily interactions. It is natural for us to identify things that are foreign as immoral or strange; however, this aversion to difference hinders our opportunity to grow and learn. When in a group of people, I challenge myself to notice if I ridicule those that do not behave like me. Do I laugh at people who express themselves differently than I do? Am I being insecure around those more competent and confident than I am? The miracle of human existence should be celebrated by encouraging people to attain the highest achievement that is within their capabilities and interests. I believe that the people that are most different than us have the best opportunity to be our teachers. This tolerance of individual expression gives people the courage necessary to change society for our collective benefit. People who behave differently than us are not members of, “a cult”; they simply have different experiences, values and beliefs, which is something to be celebrated. Who is to say that this person we laugh at in public will not be a Nobel Prize winner or a successful film maker? The tendency to label anything new as strange dissuades those around us from attempting to be kind, expressive and exert their best effort to live the life of their dreams.
Secondly, as individuals in pursuit of a goal, we need to get comfortable with the fear of being misunderstood or even isolated. We will all invariably encounter criticism if we try to do something new. As best as we can, we owe it to ourselves to do what fulfills us even we are initially misunderstood. I am not advocating being uncommon for the sake of deviating from custom; do not mistake the medium of personal expression for the importance of pursuing a noble aim. Be uncommon in your rigid adherence to a beneficial cause. I think Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln and Dr. King were outliers in their steadfast persistence toward moral perfection. By expressing ourselves artistically, learning about other cultures, and participating in clubs we can learn about other modes of thinking and expand our consciousness. More importantly, I think we should also be uncommon in our pursuit of excellence. Whatever craft we choose, strive to learn all you can and be exceptional. Rather than be averse to fear, we should actively pursue what interests us. If we peel back the psychological layers of anyone who mocks us, we will find insecurity and their own self-doubt being projected on to us. No one who is truly confident in their personality, abilities and perspective wants to belittle others. As a caveat, living the most unique and desirable life you can imagine will not necessarily win you a lot of friends. By pursuing a different path than your peers, you are performing a heroic deed. People may insult you, but deep down they will really admire your courage. The same people who make fun of you today are those who will be drawing inspiration from you tomorrow. Do not let this deter you from doing what you believe is right for you. It helps to remember that people have the tendency to cast labels upon things because it makes them feel more secure. Most importantly,try remain centered around your own moral philosophy and unique mission in the face of social criticism.
If we dare set out on the path to craft our lives as a masterpiece of diverse experience, various passions and excellence in all things, we will be outliers. Our ideas and interests may not be great material for small talk; however, living our lives so that we can have relevant material for shallow conversations will not satisfy our greatest needs. The psychological freedom and personal expression we can experience living as individuals is worth every awkward second of not fitting in. Sometimes making a difference means you will not be liked by everyone. But if you can make it through the initial discomfort of being ridiculed and mocked, you will inspire those around you to be themselves. I know disparaging comments are really demotivating. We imagine that people will encourage us to be happy and fulfilled; and don’t get me wrong, some will. But some will seem offended by your improvement. Try not to take this personally as they are projecting their own insecurities on you. This is unfortunately something we all do to one another. By expressing yourself as wholly as you can, you let others know that individuality is nothing to be afraid of.
I would like to end this post with one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson. This poem has comforted me through many times of self-doubt:
Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
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