"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of you life" - Abraham Maslow
I just finished reading The Farther Reaches of Human Nature by one of my favorite psychologists, Abraham Maslow. The book is a collection of essays that explore the psychological and philosophical forces that govern human's need for achievement. In his work, Maslow coined a term - known as "The Jonah Complex" - which explores an idea that has perplexed me for many years: the aversion to accomplishment.
Why is it called the "Jonah Complex"?
The complex is named after the biblical prophet of the same name. In The Book of Jonah, Jonah is called upon by God to warn the residents of Nineveh of God’s impending wrath. Rather than fulfill God's orders, Jonah boards a ship and flees from his responsibility to God. While on the ship, Jonah is caught in a storm, thrown overboard and swallowed by a giant fish. Jonah eventually escapes the situation and warns the people of Nineveh of their potential fate, but this is not without initially disobeying God's command.
Maslow named the complex after Jonah because in the story, Jonah‘s fleeing from God’s plan for him represents something that we all do for spiritual and non-spiritual practices alike. For the sake of illustrating a more broad and non-religious point, let’s switch around some symbolism in the story. Consider God's orders to Jonah as a representation of the idea of fulfilling your greatest potential. This could mean various things, such as achieving your highest professional aims or creating your ideal lifestyle. Whether consciously defined or not, we all desire to satisfy some sort of unspoken subconscious drive to feel what Maslow defines as a "peak experience" (also see self-actualization, flow state, religious rapture, bliss, or ecstasy). Yet for some reason, we are deeply afraid of peak experiences and becoming the best version of ourselves. And I can't help but ask myself, "why"?
What underlies the fear of success?
I have observed a few potential reasons that people fear success. For one, there‘s a common belief that Great People have an inherent trait that makes them more capable than everyone else. Unless one is born with the intellect, wealth and genetics to become a genius, it feels like a crime to transcend the limits of ordinary existence. To achieve things and make a crucial impact on the world is reserved for the "other more naturally talented" people. Not only is this belief false, but it also absolves us of taking responsibility for our actions. It also provides a comforting excuse for our initial inadequacies when taking on new challenges.
We also fear success because we fear change; more specifically, we fear the change in lifestyle that accompanies daring to be Great. The consistency, spotlight, and expectations can seem overwhelming. Aside from the social expectations, the monotonous and dogged persistence that one must exert to perform at peak levels seems exhausting.
But I believe the most powerful reason we fear success is that it seems lonely and isolating. It can feel isolating spending early morning hours working on improving your skills or acquiring new knowledge. Without a community of people around to encourage you to be great, it feels like you’re not allowed to do so. Being on the path of constant improvement seems like swimming in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with no one around to save you if you drown. All of this is made worse by peers calling you, “lame” or “uptight” for trying to be different. Ironically, I think the fear of isolation also underlies the fear of failure. It is our fear of standing out - be it for praiseworthy or blameworthy causes - that keeps us dis-contently in the middle. Day after day. Year after year.
What do we do when faced with the choice of being exceptional?
The anecdotal evidence from my limited life experience shows that there appear to be only three choices:
1. The first is to let our fear of actualizing our potential consume us so thoroughly that we do nothing at all. With this choice, we run the risk of reflecting upon our lives with regret. This option genuinely terrifies me more than anything else in the world. Regret is a permanent sharpie stain that you can't wipe off.
2. The second choice is that of self-deception. We can convince ourselves that we fully intend to change our lives for the better, but we are just waiting for the perfect opportunity. This is the most dangerous response, for the problem with self-deception is that we feel like we are making progress just by convincing ourselves that we will, “make changes one day”. But what happens when we never actually do make those changes? Achieving results is a binary metric, we either hit the target or miss it. Waiting to take action ensures that we will never hit the mark.
3. The third choice is to understand that choosing to be exceptional in all areas of life is to try and leave this world better off than you found it, no matter how much pain, fear or isolation will be faced on the endeavor. Make no mistake, making this choice encompasses risk, anxiety and discomfort; but here's the catch: every one of these choices involves feeling these emotions. We think we can shield ourselves from pain by hiding from responsibilities and challenges. But to fully live means to embrace these emotions and take decisive action anyway. I’ve learned that fear and anxiety are some of the healthiest emotions in the world because they signify growth. Yes, growth may be painful and awkward, but what is the alternative? Either experience the pain of growth or the pain of regret, either way there will be pain. At least the pain from growth can lead to a achievement, self-esteem, fulfillment and reward.
Concluding Note
There’s a reason making a consistent, laborious, unsexy effort to achieve things is hard: because you reap benefits that are unavailable to people who aren't willing to do the same. Putting in more hours at the office, library and gym give way to achieving peak experiences of self-esteem and achievement that only a small fraction of the population gets to experience. I believe we owe it ourselves, our family and our peers to pursue excellence at all costs. If we don’t, we not only run the risk of, “being deeply unhappy for the rest of our life”, as Maslow put it, but we also rob ourselves of the opportunity to inspire others to achieve peak experiences.
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