Carl Rogers was a famous 20th-century psychologist and educator. Rogers' most significant contribution to psychology was the humanistic theory. This theory promotes a positive view of human nature by focusing on traits such as creativity, free-will, and self-understanding.
In Carl Rogers’, A Way of Being, Rogers shares his view on how psychology can be used to improve our relationships with others and ourselves. Rogers' philosophy is unique in that it contains components of Western and Eastern thought. Eastern in that it prioritizes unconditionally accepting those around us so that they can make lasting changes to their lives. Western in that it is thoroughly researched and has practical application.
In Rogers' view, the ultimate goal of our lives is to bring ourselves to a state of congruence. This means that our beliefs and attitudes are in line with our everyday actions. To achieve a state of congruence, we must non-judgmentally accept, trust, and understand our emotions.
I’d like to share my biggest takeaways and favorite quotes from Carl Rogers’, A Way of Being.
Acceptance promotes personal growth
Rogers' central point is that empathy helps people accept their own thoughts and feelings as normal. If people feel that their most deeply held believes are strange or unhealthy, they will feel alienated from those around them. This causes them to adapt their behavior to gain acceptance, even if it is not aligned with their true self.
Rogers calls the attitude we should assume towards ourselves and others "unconditional positive regard". The goal of being a good friend, therapist, or leader is to accept people and encourage them to be themselves. It is only when one's values are aligned with their behavior that they feel whole.
Our behavior stems from our self-concept
Rogers teaches us that the way we act is based on how we view ourselves. Our psyches very much crave consistency in that we want our self-concept and our behaviors to be aligned. If behaviors follow attitudes, then by changing our self-concept, we can change our lives.
I personally find this view very helpful. In my own life, I find that I am more likely to do an activity if I believe myself to be someone whose values are aligned with that activity. For instance, when I started believing that I was a health-conscious person, I began to eat healthily and exercise.
My 5 Favorite Quotes from A Way of Being
1. “When I look at a sunset as I did the other evening, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a little on the right-hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color.” I don’t do that. I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds.”
2. “But what I really dislike in myself is not being able to hear the other person because I am so sure in advance of what he is about to say that I don’t listen.”
3. “I have come to trust the capacity of persons to explore and understand themselves and their troubles, and to resolve those problems, in any close, continuing relationship where I can provide a climate of real warmth and understanding.”
4. “To me it is not an illusion that man is to some degree the architect of himself.”
5. “The therapist prizes the client in a total rather than a conditional way.”
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